Trust. What a big word. To trust someone.
This has been a hard one for me. As it is for many people. I grew up with the story that the only person I could trust was myself. That when you trust people you get hurt. Which is true, people will hurt you. But not trusting people, that also left me hurting. I had a great relationship with a partner that dissolved for many reasons, a big one being my inability to trust them more.
The honest truth of it. I didn’t know how. I was trusting as much as I could at that point in my life. It felt as though I had built a wall around me growing up, a wall that kept me safe..until I wanted out. I realized that I had been living that way for so long, I didn’t know any other way to be. I took responsibility to start taking the wall down, brick by brick. It’s taken years & honestly, I am still working at it.
then I met someone who started changing my life. Started showing me how nice it was on the other side of the wall. I made a decision I had never made before, to let ALL my walls down with him. To trust more. I have to say, every time I stretch myself into trusting more, it feels uncomfortable. Like a muscle I need to keep working.But it also gets easier in some ways & I find I want to continue the beautiful journey of trusting.
I am having an entirely new experience that I’ve never had before. The experience of what it feels like to truly trust another human. And ya know what, it’s still scary but it’s also the most rewarding thing I’ve ever done.
Let love break you open. Let it bathe you in the warmth of its acceptance & softness. To let your walls down is to let the love in. I am letting another person hold my heart in their hands & trusting that he will keep it safe. I am opening my heart & letting the gentleness soothe my wounds. And in return, I get to hold this heart in my hands & know the trust it takes to honor such a beautiful gift.
I thought I would never make it out from behind this wall I had built so many years ago. And it’s been painful to cultivate a relationship with my heart after years of abandoning it. But I am grateful for where I’m at now. I listen to my heart, I follow it’s guidance & I trust that it is always leading me home.
My heart has led me into the most nourishing connection I have ever experienced. As I have started peeking out from behind this illusion of safety I created, his hand reached out to help show me the way. And we began walking slowly through the wounds, into deeper healing & directly into a vast well of trust. What an incredible gift. To hold & be held with such tenderness.
Trust is a big word. It’s a big deal. It is the bridge from my heart to yours. And it is absolutely worth every single step through the mud, to arrive in more wholeness with my heart. So that I may turn around & share it with this beautiful human.
There is so much more life on the other side of the wall. I am ecstatic to be exploring it!
It is a wildly beautiful gift to trust each other.
I hope you allow more trust in, dear one. It is worth it.